Life gets away from you sometimes, you either just go with it or you let it take you on a spin around. I took the long way around but I am getting help for those things and hope that my journey will become less of me watching everyone around me live a wonderful life and will start with me taking those baby steps and living the life I have wanted to for so long.

I'm going to stumble as I go along and that is okay. The first step is this blog really because I am going to use it to basically document a year of treatment and trying to live the life I need and want to live. Maybe we will all learn something in the end. I'm not really sure.

The basics are I have 3 kids - all boys.
A husband who has to work more than any of us would like.
And I have been having panic attacks so badly they were taking over every part of my life. In fact they for the past year have almost taken it away.

I went to a psychiatrist at the beginning of this month. It was after I had pulled my husband aside in the yard with tears in my eyes saying "I need help." Those three little words have led me here.

I have GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Panic Disorder with agoraphobia
Major Depression

I always thought depression meant that you were just sad all the time, or at least I guess that is what I always gathered from the commercials for all the different medications that you see on television. Turns out it is just the total lack of interest in anything, I'm guessing I have been so into my own head about this that I didn't notice that I was sad because I really didn't care that I was sad.

Depression is really a horrid thing, and I'm trying to work through this and an irrational fear of basically everything. This should be an interesting year. I'm going to go slow at first, I was told that was wise, but there is so much living out their that I want to do and that I hope that I am able to do.

Thank you for anyone that ever reads this, hopefully you gain something from it.