Tuesday, December 31, 2013

No offense if you are a great cook and have the bucks to shell out

The one object that will change my life!!!!
So okay it's not a Kitchenaid fancy mixer, but it is a stand mixer that I can take off the stand. I'm not even sure that other one can do that. I also have multiple attachments the normal 2 that you always beg mom to lick after the whatever is mixed together. A whisk attachment for whisking I am sure. And I also have some weird looking hook things which I have been told are used to make dough or something. Personally the only reason I got this is because I keep reading all over the internet how the Kitchenaid mixer changed girls lives when they bought one. So I figure since I'm not a good cook or one that really even likes cooking this should be more than enough. But just like losing my virginity I don't feel amazing or like I am suddenly super mom or cook. In fact other than cake or like normal things I 'm not even sure what I am going to use these for. But I guess I will end up doing something, I'm sure I'll find something.

So these are all the things that I got with the mixer. Guess I'll have to cook up some things and show you guys if this actually makes a difference or if I am going to curl up in a ball wishing I had bought a 200 dollar mixer instead of a 20 dollar one. I figure since I've just been using my own mixers God gave me since I was little I'm going to appreciate this 20 dollar upgrade. 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Life gets away from you sometimes, you either just go with it or you let it take you on a spin around. I took the long way around but I am getting help for those things and hope that my journey will become less of me watching everyone around me live a wonderful life and will start with me taking those baby steps and living the life I have wanted to for so long.

I'm going to stumble as I go along and that is okay. The first step is this blog really because I am going to use it to basically document a year of treatment and trying to live the life I need and want to live. Maybe we will all learn something in the end. I'm not really sure.

The basics are I have 3 kids - all boys.
A husband who has to work more than any of us would like.
And I have been having panic attacks so badly they were taking over every part of my life. In fact they for the past year have almost taken it away.

I went to a psychiatrist at the beginning of this month. It was after I had pulled my husband aside in the yard with tears in my eyes saying "I need help." Those three little words have led me here.

I have GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Panic Disorder with agoraphobia
Major Depression

I always thought depression meant that you were just sad all the time, or at least I guess that is what I always gathered from the commercials for all the different medications that you see on television. Turns out it is just the total lack of interest in anything, I'm guessing I have been so into my own head about this that I didn't notice that I was sad because I really didn't care that I was sad.

Depression is really a horrid thing, and I'm trying to work through this and an irrational fear of basically everything. This should be an interesting year. I'm going to go slow at first, I was told that was wise, but there is so much living out their that I want to do and that I hope that I am able to do.

Thank you for anyone that ever reads this, hopefully you gain something from it.