Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Why I should never bake.

So last night I wanted a cake, like really wanted a cake. It was one of those desires that you could taste as I thought about having some cake. Problem was I had no cake mix and really didn't want to go to the store for just cake mix. I go to the store for just cake mix and end up coming home with bags of things and no cake mix.

I've got flour, sugar, eggs, baking powder and arms. Let's do this!

So I looked up some recipes for cake online. Let me tell you there is a lot of cake recipes out there! White, yellow, chocolate, strawberry and I'm sure millions more but that was about when my brain was spinning and I knew I had made a yellow cake mix before (from the box) so I could totally do this!

So now I knew the color/flavor, time to read and mix. The first line is "Cream sugar and shortening". Seriously who comes up with baking terms? Mash, mix, put together these things I understand. I'm not sure really how one creams anything, unless it a violent type of creaming. Kinda like "Hey buddy I'm going to cream you after school today!"

So cream, mix together until it looks mixed I figured what was the difference so that is what I did. The rest was pretty simple, mix eggs first then add flour and the rest. Put in oven and get cake! That is what I am talking about.

It's at about this time that things started to go wrong, now I'm probably going to die of salmonella at some point I'm sure because I am a batter taster. Tasting is an objective term that I am so using objectively because if the truth were to be known if someone wouldn't stop me I might just make batter and eat it without cooking it one day. Chocolate chip cookies and brownie batter being the worst offenders in the batter categories. 

So it passed the batter test, not as sweet as I am used to but still pretty good. But something was happening while I was cooking. The center of the cake was getting smaller and the outer layer looked like normal cake. Maybe it is just a slow riser? I mean I know I don't like to be all up and perky in the morning so I am just sure this cake and I were destined to be friends, or at least until I ate it. But it wouldn't rise.

So I take out the cake, so it will be thin I think. I can handle eating thin cake, just means I get to eat more right? So it was frosting time, my frosting comes out of a can so no need to put any energy into that right? Only maybe next time I might flip it over and look for an expiration date. You see it expired a year ago, I didn't see this until after we had eaten some though and as this all happened almost 24hrs ago I think we are safe. 

Frosting? Check! Cake? Check! Sprinkles? Oh why the hell not you only live once am I right!

I was excited and nervous for my first taste, this being the first non mix cake I had ever cooked I wasn't sure what was going to happen. Then it did, it had a cake texture of that I can be sure but as far as flavor went there was none. No cake sweetness, just freaking cake bread. The frosting and sprinkles weren't helping either because it was at this time I found that it was passed its Best By date and it wasn't helping matters on the making my cake amazing front.

And this is why I shouldn't be allowed to bake, EVER!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Mom interrupted

So this is me, well my face actually what is below my face I like to keep to myself thank you very much. But it and various other things are going to be a part of this blog or as I want to see it my journey. I want very much for people to join me along the way, but if it is just me at first I am okay with that to. After all this is a journey that I am pretty much doing in reverse. I'm going to turn the big 30 this year, I know not really a big deal to most people but at this time most are starting a family or at least trying to. I have three kids already the oldest one being 8 going on 16. So instead of trying to find my true self I've been a mother. Would I change the way things were/are? Never. I have become a better person because of my kids, and it is because of them that I have started on my journey.

A big part coming up is going to be weight loss. I'm carrying around about 50 extra or so pounds that I would very much like to drop. I need to be able to be in shape, not rail thing skinny, just in shape and feeling better about myself. This will help me be a better mother.

My house is a clutter disaster, it needs to be said that I hail from 2 generations of hoarders that I am aware of and I can so easily follow in that path. I really don't want to, so I need to get rid of the junk that does nothing to improve my mind or my focus. This will help me be a better mother.

I also have Panic Disorder with agoraphobia on top because the panic disorder clearly wasn't enough right? I am taking medications more regularly and going to see someone about coping strategies. This will help me be a better mother.

Do you see a theme developing here? This blog will at times be funny, sad, or really anything that happens in my journey. You will see why I have the Otaku title, and it doesn't just apply to anime either? When I fan over something I fan over it hard, it's just how I roll. So yes, hello to you if you are reading lets start this journey together!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

I pitty the fool that doesn't dream about the A-team

Now I have weird dreams from time to time, however most of them I forget before I wake up in the morning and I just have the feeling that they were weird. Sometimes I hate that, but after having total recall of my last dream it might actually be a good thing that I only get to have knowledge of bits and pieces of what is going on in my head. So let me tell you my dream.
So it started out with myself and a bunch of strangers in a classroom setting, in fact it kinda reminded me of my Jr. High school in some ways. But for some reason we were under attack by 6 year old Asian kids with machine guns dressed in military garb. It needs to be said I have nothing against Asian people or kids for that matter, but these guys had freaking guns! So I did the only logical thing that I could think to do and hid under a desk while the rest of the people I was in school with were taken out and shot in the hallway. Now it needs to be said that not everyone was shot just most of us. The rest I could see being lined up, I'm sure we were hostages of some sort. But then my dream gets all kinds of awesome!
You see I find myself being saved by Mr. T and the A-team! However we aren't talking about the old school A-team aside from Mr. T himself. The guys from the newest movie filled the rest of the team. I knew I was safe as the gold chained master himself came in there and pulled the blanket I was hiding under away. It was time to rescue everyone else and I got to be part of the team at this point. But for some reason we thought it would be a good idea to sneak out the back window and rush the front of the building. 
 But I couldn't do it, I was drawn to this mausoleum in the back of the school that was covered in moss and has a glowing stone in the center. Now the chief yelled at me not to touch it, but I'm sure we can all agree that this stone just had to be touched! Of course anytime there is something that we shouldn't touch as soon as we do stuff gets real. Suddenly we are surrounded by skeletons that have raised out of the ground and a huge skeletal overlord is coming at me. Then a rooster starts crowing. 
We all stop. The rooster keeps crowing and things start to fade as we are scanning the area for what I am sure is a giant rooster monster and then I wake up. My husband had his alarm set and it's a rooster crow. I'll never know if the A-team and I made it, and that kinda makes me sad.
I can only wish that all my dream were this weird and awesome.