No offense if you are a great cook and have the bucks to shell out

The one object that will change my life!!!!

 

 

 

So okay it's not a Kitchenaid fancy mixer, but it is a stand mixer that I can take off the stand. I'm not even sure that other one can do that. I also have multiple attachments the normal 2 that you always beg mom to lick after the whatever is mixed together. A whisk attachment for whisking I am sure. And I also have some weird looking hook things which I have been told are used to make dough or something. Personally the only reason I got this is because I keep reading all over the internet how the Kitchenaid mixer changed girls lives when they bought one. So I figure since I'm not a good cook or one that really even likes cooking this should be more than enough. But just like losing my virginity I don't feel amazing or like I am suddenly super mom or cook. In fact other than cake or like normal things I 'm not even sure what I am going to use these for. But I guess I will end up doing something, I'm sure I'll find something.

 

 

So these are all the things that I got with the mixer. Guess I'll have to cook up some things and show you guys if this actually makes a difference or if I am going to curl up in a ball wishing I had bought a 200 dollar mixer instead of a 20 dollar one. I figure since I've just been using my own mixers God gave me since I was little I'm going to appreciate this 20 dollar upgrade. 

 

Life gets away from you sometimes, you either just go with it or you let it take you on a spin around. I took the long way around but I am getting help for those things and hope that my journey will become less of me watching everyone around me live a wonderful life and will start with me taking those baby steps and living the life I have wanted to for so long.

I'm going to stumble as I go along and that is okay. The first step is this blog really because I am going to use it to basically document a year of treatment and trying to live the life I need and want to live. Maybe we will all learn something in the end. I'm not really sure.

The basics are I have 3 kids - all boys.
A husband who has to work more than any of us would like.
And I have been having panic attacks so badly they were taking over every part of my life. In fact they for the past year have almost taken it away.

I went to a psychiatrist at the beginning of this month. It was after I had pulled my husband aside in the yard with tears in my eyes saying "I need help." Those three little words have led me here.

I have GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Panic Disorder with agoraphobia
Major Depression

I always thought depression meant that you were just sad all the time, or at least I guess that is what I always gathered from the commercials for all the different medications that you see on television. Turns out it is just the total lack of interest in anything, I'm guessing I have been so into my own head about this that I didn't notice that I was sad because I really didn't care that I was sad.

Depression is really a horrid thing, and I'm trying to work through this and an irrational fear of basically everything. This should be an interesting year. I'm going to go slow at first, I was told that was wise, but there is so much living out their that I want to do and that I hope that I am able to do.

Thank you for anyone that ever reads this, hopefully you gain something from it.