Summer is officially over at this house.

School is starting tomorrow. In some ways I am happy but this year is going to be supper sad for me. My last little one is going into the school system. I think it is going to be harder on me as a mother than it will be for him to go and do it.

But with the kids out of the house for a bit I will be able to work on so many things. Art, organization, youtube videos, and having a little me time for once in my life.

I'm kinda looking forward to that part of it all. But the silence in the house is going to be insane for a little while. But I guess I will just have to get used to it all.

Look forward to many posts, updates, videos, art, and showing off that I actually can clean when I'm not being stopped every 15 minutes to break up fights, help get snacks or drinks, and the many other things that kids request.

Sure I will still have to run the zoo, but the chickens, rabbits, dog, and cats don't normally stop me in the middle of something for a cuddle to watch a 2 hour movie.

Hey mom.....But mom.....

I think summer vacation is starting to wear on me. "Hey mom....." and "But mom......" are starting to seriously drive me crazy. All my kids are doing it too, no matter how many times I tell them just call me mom.

But mom seems to get me the most really. I have no idea why but every time I hear but mom it's like a part of me just wants to explode. I don't. But it's there.

So last night while putting away the chickens I had an idea, born out of the but moms I had heard all day.

My kids are star and moon crazy. You have to see where this is going by now. So I came inside and asked all three of my boys if they would like to see a full moon. The looks of excitement on their faces were just what I was hoping for. My youngest started to come forward in what I could only imagine was his rush to be the first to see the full moon outside.

Only there was no full moon outside.

So I gave them my version of a full moon. Meet with jeers and "I can't believe you did that".

I have a feeling I'm going to be known as Butt mom for a little while.

Dogs

I need to lead off by saying that I DO have a dog that I love dearly. However in April I was attacked by a dog, a blue healer in fact and other than my dog right now I hate them all.

Mainly because it is July and my leg still isn't 100% better. On antibodies now in order to see if somehow an infection has formed inside my healed leg. Or if that doesn't work in ten days I get to figure out if I have muscle damage. YAY!

On the left is how most people see dogs. Cute, cuddle monsters that would never hurt anyone. On the right is how I see dog right now. Angry, hostile teeth mashing machines. Will I get to a middle ground? Only my therapist knows!

Until then, I've just decided that all dogs suck and I always knew I was a cat person.

Shooting Alpine

I live in a very small town in Texas but even as I say that I find beauty here and there. So I'm going to post pictures from time to time and tag it with #shooting Alpine.  I hope that you can enjoy them.

Back to sketching

Trying to draw at least a sketch a day, sometimes it works out and sometimes I've just got too many other commitments like last night. Boy scouts takes up a lot of my time, but my boys really do seem to enjoy it. Have to research some ways to make invisible ink for our next meeting, and show some sign language.

The next tour I want to do is the animal shelter as we have been working on that loop and pin set. Border Patrol tour should be next as it will fall into place with a government tour. After that thankfully more summer activities will take over. But those are out there and shouldn't make me too manic! But the last few months of the school year always seems to go a lot faster than I want it to anyway.

 

This was done on Monday, I want to draw some more skulls as this was actually very calming and made me feel pretty good about my drawing skills for once. And that doesn't happen very often. Should be able to sketch out something new tonight after I get some cleaning done. Its amazing how quickly this house gets torn apart but I am cleaning up after 5 people. Myself and 4 boys. I live in a freaking frat house I tell ya.

This is how we share in the house!

 

 

Kids went to the fair last night, or at least the older ones did. I kinda regret not taking them myself, a more than kind neighbor lent a hand and took my older kids. She always seems to help me out. I think my new goal is to start inviting myself along to do these things. I get less regret and if I do have a panic attack I have faith that the medicine will hold me.

 

 

Finally got my shoes in from Wal-Mart so I am going to start tracking my weight loss goals on this blog as well. Just need to get some things set up and then figure out when I want to post these things. Also if you want to cheer me along leave a comment, or if your willing maybe we could become over the internet buds in losing weight? That sounds desperate but hey what can you do.

 

 

I'm starting to draw again, the colored page was just something that I was doodling while watching someone play the video game Silent Hill downpour online. Yes I do enjoy watching other people play games because lets face it there are tons of games, but not enough money so watching is sometimes a nice option when I don't just have to have it. The other side is a sketch or the start of a sketch really of a possum. I think they are totally cute. Going to keep flexing that art muscle, also have an art channel in mind for my youtube. Just have to get some better equipment or make what I have work.

 

Not sure if I am going to do VEDA because I am very shy, but I really want to. VEDA is Vlog everyday in April. It could get my used to it and would push forward my goals of putting my kids on vlogs more often. We will see. So that is all for me right now, hope everything is cool where you are.



The things about it all is

Adjusting and trying to get over and get used to being treated by a mental disorder is as hard or sometimes even harder than having the problem. I say that because sometimes the dose isn't right and you have to play around with that, sometimes the medicine does nothing for you, or does so much it makes what was going on before look like a cakewalk.

So I've been in a weird transition period with my life, and really as odd as it sounds I'm having to learn how to live once again. That is what I've been doing or at least pondering doing while I've been away. But really it hasn't gotten me anywhere fast. I only say this because I'm not accountable to anyone but myself right now. I've just been sitting here trying to figure it out.

I have done a lot. I took my kids to the park together as a family and we had a blast.

I've been organizing my house, like with bins and purging a lot of clutter. I'm from a long line of hoarders and its embarrassing but I think I was using that as a coping skill? Either way my dumpster hasn't been empty for a few weeks.

I've helped my husband build up his leatherworking business, well still in the process of that.

I've also been working on my taxidermy. But I'm not sharing it with anyone or anything. So while at first I though this blog was going to be about myself and being a mom. I'm thinking it's going to be more about me and this struggle to learn to live after being alive for so long and suffering in silence with a disease that I still don't fully understand or don't have full control over.

I have good days, I have great days, and then I have days where I want to hide under the covers and not come out from them. But in the end I've got to learn that even with everything that is going on I do have some people that understand I just need to branch out from what I normally do and learn a few more things. Time is short, it is for everyone really, but if I don't use it to the fullest I'm going to be the one to lose out in the end.

So ya know....let's do this!